Is it normal for ual to be excruciating almost a yr after an episiotomy with child?

I can relate. With my first, I also had an episiotomy but still tore with 4th degree tears. My doctor had to sew me up for about 45 minutes and one of the nurses said I had the worst tear she had ever seen. At my 6 week check up, my doctor told me to wait until 12 weeks before trying . I too was in a ton of pain and I would tighten up and I didn't want to be touched for fear of the pain. I felt bad for my husband too. We also resorted to to help me relax and loosen up and our favorite lubricant was the KY spray (which also had a numbing effect). There were times I had to have my husband stop which of course didn't make either one of us happy and I too was extremely frustrated for about a year. After that year, things finally seemed to not be so tender and my hubby was always good at letting me tell him exactly what to do. My first is 6 years old now so it's hard to remember what exactly worked but I remember sometimes him giving me a back-rub until I was totally relaxed so I wouldn't tense up. I have a 3 year old son too so obviously we got back to having regularly. I wish I could help more. For me, it was more mental than physical but I remember that burning feeling. What if you try dermoplast down there before to help numb it. We use condoms for birth control so I don't know if that helped too. I would also consider getting a 3rd opinion from another OB/GYN. Good luck!